Horses are phenomenal facilitators of intimacy – and in a recent episode of “Horses Talk, We Listen” on Blogtalk Radio, Beth Schliebe, a Conscious Horse Conscious Rider Certified Facilitator based in Arizona, USA, invited us to explore what horses can teach us about this very topic!
“When I think of intimacy it’s pretty full-scope. To me it’s a familiarity, a friendship, a closeness, it’s about developing a rapport of communion with whatever it is that you are engaged with, whether it be another person, whether it be any animal. Whether it be the earth, or yourself! It’s a space where words aren’t necessary. It seems to have this peaceful connection to it without effort… it’s that effortless ease. And in that intimacy, you are in that space of knowing…”
The gift of intimacy is often in the space of peace, presence and possibility it invites us to live as. In particular, people who have attended a Conscious Horse, Conscious Rider class who have experienced trauma, abuse or suffering from PTSD – or any sense of having barriers or being stuck so that they do not have a sense of ease in their world or body – animals, and in particular horses, whether they touch the animal or just be in the presence of them, it is often the first time that people are able to have the space of that intimacy, peace and ease, without words, without anything… When they begin to get this sense of intimacy, where they can finally just be present, the possibilities for expanding beyond that fear or trauma starts to become an accessible reality.
Beth recalls a class in which a participant who previously had owned horses and a ranch had stopped interacting with horses since being diagnosed with MS and had been afraid of getting on a horse after losing confidence with her body: “This lady used to be a horseback rider and she realised what a victim she had become to herself. Once we were able to have her just be with the horses, it was amazing to see her walls came down, how she started getting excited about and communicating with horses again. And the horse absolutely was coming up to meet her. To see her then get the confidence to get on this horse bareback, and then walk with horse while she was on his back, and to see the mobility come back into her body and the horse relaxing with her… just watching the fear disappear and how she transformed the mobility of her body and the excitement that just went through her whole body. It really woke her up to what she had been choosing and how she could actually transform that. She now has the intimacy with herself to acknowledge without judgment when she is stopping herself in her tracks and to change it, and choose with gratitude for what the day can bring.”
You can listen to the replay of the Horses Talk, We Listen episode “What Can Horses Teach Us about Intimacy?” with Beth Schliebe here.
How willing are you to be different? The answer to this question may surprise you, and it will offer a good indication of how truthful and authentic you allow yourself to be when you communicate, whether it's in a job interview, at home or with friends.
For most people, talking is easy – women tend to use around 20,000 words per day (more than 20 words each minute), and men utter around 7000. But using those words to communicate what you actually, truly mean is a lot more difficult than you may realise.
From the time we are born, we begin to be aware of the opinions and judgements of others. When we express ourselves in a certain way as babies and toddlers, the people around us will laugh and clap. When we express ourselves in other ways, they will frown or chastise us.
In each of the above cases, we are communicating authentically – we are too young to know how to not be true to ourselves – but we begin to recognise that our uninhibited expression creates feedback that is sometimes pleasant, and sometimes not.
Over time, in a natural need to feel accepted and acknowledged, we each begin to tailor our communication style and content in ways that will appease the judgement of others. We begin to dismiss or ignore aspects of ourselves that are not welcomed; we make parts of ourselves ‘wrong’ and, eventually, we often forget that we even possess certain skills or inherent points of view.
Importantly, in our day-to-day interactions – at school, in interviews, when we meet new people, and even with our family – we fall victim to a constant and unconscious monitoring of our own behaviour. Before we even speak, we are filtering out the authentic words or actions that will bring unwanted and unpleasant feedback.
A common example of this in modern society is the plight of the young girl with natural leadership skills. Too often, parents and others in authority see a young girl taking charge and say “don’t be so bossy”. Over time, the girl learns to judge that capacity as being ‘wrong’ in some way. She starts to dismiss her capacity for authority and soon forgets the extent to which she is actually capable of leadership.
In time, a girl like this can grow into a woman who finds it difficult to speak up for herself, because in communicating her true needs or desires, she is being asked be authentic. In being authentic, she will naturally gravitate toward assertiveness and dominance… and these are parts of her that she fears, dreads or has forgotten. So, the woman with latent leadership skills chooses not to speak authentically at all. By judging her natural expression, we take a leader and turn her into a smaller version of herself.
Because of this cycle of judgement, one that is widespread in society, we all fear authentic communication to varying degrees. Some examples are obvious – for instance 75% of people are afraid of speaking in public – but other effects are more subtle. In my case, a professional singer and performer, I toured the world eagerly using my voice to express and entertain. But for years, my body resisted this expression – I developed vocal nodules and had a tremble in my voice that I could not remove, no matter how hard I trained or how well I developed the right techniques.
Eventually my voice did become more pure and effortless – but not only because of the physical or technical adjustments. I learned how to be me, without fear of judgement of others. In this authenticity, I learned how to connect with the story, song or information I was sharing. My voice liberated itself from all resistance and constraints, and I discovered I was able to intuitively and effortlessly adapt my communication style – the volume, intensity, words and emotions – to fit the audience’s needs and enable a deep connection with those who were listening to me.
Once I implemented authentic communication in my performances, I quickly realised that I could apply this truth in all facets of my life – in my business, relationships and everyday interactions. By being all of me, I discovered that there was nothing to fix; there was no wrongness. Consider applying this principle next time you're asking for something, or in a job interview.
Authentic communication is about learning to embrace all of who you are and having the willingness to recognise the needs of your listener. (Ask yourself “what can this person hear?”) In doing so, your communication adjusts, intuitively, and you are able to get your point across without diminishing yourself.
Yasodhara Romero Fernandes is a professional performer, vocal coach, performance and communications expert and certified Right Voice for You facilitator. As a Right Voice for You certified facilitator, Yasodhara conducts classes and private consultations around the world.
So, how can you access your crazy happy? We asked Susanna Mittermaier, psychologist and Right Voice for You facilitator, and she said there are three key things you can do to get yourself to that elusive state. Scroll down to read them.
1. Get over being normal.
The world is already full of normal people. It needs you to be you. Just scan through your life and see how often you have been trying to be normal and how not fun that was. How often have you tried to fit in? Have you ever fit in anywhere? Is this what you would like to choose for you? What other choices do you have that you have not acknowledged yet? What if you start with one hour per day where you do not make any attempt to be normal and just be you. What will you notice? How is your world? Are you any happier?
2. Enjoy the judgments.
In our world, it is normal to be unhappy and not normal to be happy. Have you noticed? To what degree can you be happy before you are asked if you are crazy? What if that does not stop you anymore? As soon as you are willing to enjoy judgments rather than avoiding them, you can have a level of freedom that not many people on this planet are willing to have.
Start to enjoy judgments rather than avoiding them. How? By asking, “What am I making relevant and real that is not?” and what if every judgment that others have of you is just a compliment and an award for your difference and the unstoppable crazy happy you?
3. Focus on you.
Time to no longer put the unhappiness of the world on your shoulders and truly start to be happy for yourself. If you find yourself trying so hard to make others happy that you lack the desire to make yourself that happy, this needs to stop. It isn't about being cold – it's about being pragmatic.
When you are happy, you inspire others. Think about this: it's natural for you to be happy – you just had a lot of practice being unhappy growing up in this world.
Great! Wait…what does that look like? Is it complicated? Is it hard? How do I know if it’s occurring? In truth, communication with your body is currently ongoing and occurs naturally.
Here are 6 quick ways to begin to recognize that your body is communicating with you and how.
1. You can feel the difference between rough and smooth – The only way you can perceive the difference is when your body is your body is telling you. Who is feeling the difference? You? Or your body? Your body is. It detects the difference and then sends you that information so that you can experience it as well.
2. You are hungry – This is one of the most basic communication and one that causes some of the most confusion. At its core however is communication. Your body requires something to nourish it and it lets you know it with something like stomach growling.
3. You have a physical sensation – You’ve ever been hot or cold? How do you know when to put a jacket on because your body is cold? Your body is telling you! Your body feels the cold temperature and indicates to you that something is required.
4. You’ve ever had a pain or been uncomfortable – What if being uncomfortable or in pain isn’t a wrongness or what we’ve been told it is? Things like pain in your elbow or itchy skin is a communication from your body. Sometimes it’s an awareness of what your body is requiring and sometimes it’s your body telling you something that is going on for another body or even the planet.
5. You fidget – Ever had a hard time sitting still? Twist your hair or bounce your foot up and down? Not just when you were a kid am I asking about but now? Yes? Me too. So much energy is moving around us. People’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, excitement, frustration, etc. Our body is aware of these energies and not being able to sit still is a classic way of our bodies communicating to us that A LOT of energy is present.
6. You’re breathing – If you are breathing then you are communicating, plain and simple. You are telling your body you are still willing to be here. Yes, your body does it “automatically” and what if you the infinite being are the one that asks it to do it and the body complies?
Seems simple, right? It can be. You and your body communicate more than you acknowledge. Every time you acknowledge that you are communicating with your body then you strengthen that communication and so much more is then possible. Start by acknowledging these 5 things and see what that creates between you and your body. Then over the next week or so, acknowledge where else you are communicating with your body. What is possible for your life when you acknowledge the communication with your body?
To learn more about Right Body for You and Donnielle Carter please check out www.RightBodyForYou.com or www.Donnielle.com
When I go through the exercise of helping my clients discover their ideal client, I perceive there is a misconception that if the business owner only focuses on one particular segment of their market place that it will result in less sales or clients for them. In fact, the opposite is true.
Energetically, if your attention is so scattered, you are shotgunning your ideal market place with so many messages about what you do, what actually happens is that you make no meaningful connections with anyone. How frustrating is that? For you? Also for the clients who really need your special brand of services and awareness?
A few years back, determined to be more adept at talking about my business in a meaningful way. I hired a professional coach to assist me with creating my signature talk. One of the exercises in the program was to stand on stage and connect with the true audience for my message. It was a profound experience. The message I received was that if I didn’t get out there and connect with my “tribe” of people, that they would simply never get what they were truly looking for. They would go years without my assistance, and struggle without it. It would make me selfish for not giving it my all. Since then I have done everything I could to connect with my clients so that they could find me and engage with me no matter where I was in the world.
Today’s marketplace is global and our clients could be looking for us from anywhere. So what do we do? Let’s get to work!
Here are a few important questions to ask about your ideal client:
Connecting with your ideal client is a personal journey.
What do you get out of the relationship with the pre-transformation client, and post-transformation client? What is your “win” besides “helping them”? How do you feel?
Why is it important to you to continue this work? How does it “fill you up”? In my opinion, for any work to be sustainable, there must be a component (or even all of it) that fills up your soul and is profitable for you as the business owner. People are intrinsically attracted to people that make them feel good. You working in your business, and feeling great about the transformation is super attractive to a potential client, and can, and will change their whole lives if you let it.
For an extended version of this worksheet in an easy to use download format please go to bit.ly/ICBlueprint
Jennifer Cramer Lewis is a professional speaker, coach, and facilitator, Founder of Brilliance Blueprint, and the creator of popular programs like Soulmate Blueprint, Freedom Blueprint and Wealth Blueprint. Jennifer is the go-to facilitator when something is disconnected in your life, and impacting your business. Using an exclusive combination of facilitation, and energetic alignment, this funny lady will have your business and body laughing all the way to the bank. Jennifer's coaching clients have cured life threatening illnesses, repaired broken homes, left abusive ones, met their dream partner, and fallen in love, all while growing their businesses, and dropping all their barriers to making more money than they ever thought possible.
Jennifer loves to help her clients put an end to putting themselves last.
“Jennifer's insights drill to the core of what every entrepreneur struggles with on a daily basis. During Jennifer’s “Grow Your Business Without Blowing Yourself Up” signature talk, she provides pragmatic solutions for being overwhelmed and overworked. Her teachings have already saved me a lot of time and effort. I now approach things with more ease than ever. My husband and I continue to use the strategies Jennifer taught us, and it has improved our concentration, focus, and sense of calm throughout the day.”
Jennifer Henczel, Founder Connect Now Business Network